somehow ..i will miss this place..somehow…
how i wish i can absorb these word to my mind now…
not to worry…not to think too much…
stop these endless nite while im alone wandering in my own mind…busy thingking and kinda stop acting at all…
as much as i hate to admit it…but I AM FREAK OUT.
i am afraid for what this unknown future will bring…
afraid of losing my comfort zone…
but HAKUNA MATATA…
alas! i am freaking out but in the same time ….I AM EXCITED …to be back alive and kicking…
of my insomniac nitez…i founf myself..eyes open wide…wandering aimlessly in my own mind.
accompanied by music, choc, my new HP mini(glad to have u), im again try to compose myself..and yet i know that this is all useless till i really get up! stand up and start to do something instead of talking, complaining, whining, and thinking….
i do really need to get out…so JUST DO IT
what am i waiting for???!!!stupid me!
Don’t remember how long I have been here….
See me now, all cover in dust…
Forget what am I for…
Dont how how is it feél to be opened again…
Why am i here?
What i am to you?
No..no..no
I never forget …
i ve been here for 11 months.
not even a single day i forget why i am here with you…
what i am for..
not a single day pass withouth me wanting to remind to you..
when will u open me again..
when will you read me again…
i want to to be His tools, His mouth, to whisper, speak, or scream to YOU…
can’t u feel it?
can’t u feel it that He is longing to talk you?
can’t u feel how much He miss you?
You can left me on the table, cover in dust, in silence, till all my pages rotten and became unreadable
but u can’t forget His words.
not because of me ..not because of you…
just because He loves so…and He never forget…
and He will never stop to talk to you.
listening to http://www.blogotheque.net/Bon-Iver,4254… Bon Iver, and others…
Feel like absorb to it…headache and running nose , they all can wait…
Sometime i am so amaze of myself. ..How much i can be absorbed to something simple…
Music definitely…i like it tough to be absorbed into music…
Movies…yeah thats one of the reason people watch movie i believe, to get absorbed and forget the real life…
Books…well if u want to be simple, if u dont get some sort of absorbed by the book that u read maybe u just dont like it. doesnt mean u have to stop reading it (ull never know!)
This is the best ( currenctly try to read ‘Wicked’ , start to get absorbed to the world of Oz and Elphaba…çant wait to know more!’)
Problem, Sorrow, Misery, WORRIES ..i think it is the easiest…at least for me..
just so easy to get absorbed to your problems, sickness, worries, and all the friends…till we forget about anyhting else…your joy..your happiness…your fam and friends… your GOD…and TONS other things that u need to be gratefull for…
really sometime i just have to keep remind myself that my life is not only at work…and i am so much more than what i am at work …goz..really…always forget that…
in the middle of the nite…
my mind is wandering around…
try to read a book but dont seems to be able to digest anyhting…
try to sleep but somehow feels like wasting time…
try to enjoy the moment but feels so empty….
always feel so blue, lonely and melancholy….
i think that i am sick…
That’s exactly how you will feel if you already been in this place for quite some time…lifeless…u might think that i am exagerating or just being a drama queen or ungrateful and so on…
Yes indeed i might am, but still sitting here in my room on my 1 and only off day in the past 10 days, i can’t help myself to think ‘what the hell am i doing here?’
Ofcourse if you say that i have to remember that so many poeple in this world are much miserable than me, but still doesn’t make me really full of life…makes me feel like an ungrateful bitch yes…but doesn’t make me feel better.
I do have very good BF, I do have job ( i dare not to say ‘good job’), have a nice salary which i can still do or buy what i want..of course with limit. But still..everyday work..go home..no nice food, no nice weather, no entertainment beside your BF and friends ( which are gradually gone, one by one)…living in this place is just killing me.
Work became your life…life became you work…and gradually became you nigthmare
SUPER superficial society, SUPER hypocrite environment, SUCKS food, NO leisure, LIVING in this small box where everybody watching you… NO FREEDOM neither to speak nor to act…
From an over enthusiatic and idealistic girl…i am gradually became a lifeless whinnning zombie
i often questioning myself…IS IT ME? OR IS IT THIS PLACE??
CAN I CHANGE THIS???!!!can i became ‘alive’ again?
can i be that girl again? who loves what she does, enthusiatic about what she does, tired but happy with what she accomplished and so passionfull with what she does???!!!
can i be anything else but this lifeless doll??
yes i can……….
here i am again…trying to compose my thoughs….
its just so nice to be able to write down whatever u have in ur mind…and also sharing it with other people in the smae time…may i say ‘that the beauty of technology?!’
anyway i actually wanted to have a blog since long time ago..i had 2 before which i just neglected in the end…i hope this one not going to end up that bad…
so with my sist. suggestion here i am joining wordpress world and with high spirit ready to scribbling ( is the word ‘scribbling’ exist?)
ciao
